Inner Workings of the Perpetual Dreamer

No Victories Yet... But the Plot Thickens.

Since my earliest memories, I have been intrigued by words. Nowadays, whenever I hear a new one or realize that I neglected to give an oldie the proper attention it deserves — it’s instantly jotted into my notes. And, of course, I make up a few along the way…

Wordipulator: the Principal Architect of Articulation — the artful manipulation of the alphabet with surgical precision and mischief.

But words are simply my thing.

For someone else, it may be opening a business, creating art, building a brand, or finally giving that stubborn-little idea living rent free in their gray matter a chance at crystalizing into a red diamond among the rare stones of life.

Whatever the dream, those of you grinding it out while trying to establish something of your own, know that twelve hours engulfed in your passion somehow feels like nothing — a few blinks of thee eye — utterly “effortless.”

Personally, no matter how sunny and beautiful it is outside, removing my phalanges from the keyboard for a complete and healthy meal or even taking a quick walk to get some fresh air — can sometimes be out of the question. Only later do I remind myself that I have repeatedly preached the importance of getting thy heart rate up and to maintain balance in life — and now my hands are dirty.

When we are impassioned by something that consumes our mind, moderation suddenly becomes an unconvincing concept.

For me, my mornings involve an expeditious “injection” of caffeine after I bow my head and give grace for the day. Then comes the mad dash to see what happened through the night — only to arrive at the daily illumination that I still haven’t quite found my niche or my “people.”

Maybe yours looks different — checking emails for responses to applications, bookings, auditions, client inquiries or whatever potential lead to trickle out breadcrumbs that seductively whisper: Keep going… You. Got. This. 

But when those encouraging mantras fade out into the distance — remember, there is always tomorrow morning because you did not make it this far for nothing!

That’s when the relentless internal rattling has you floating in the clouds of your passions, compelling you to believe that you are on the right path… that you can’t give up now.

They say you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results — makes sense. But there is also something to be said for knowing who you are — your limits in terms of skills, yet always breaking through comfort-zone barriers to learn and grow — while figuring out how to shed light on what you offer the world so that it finds a home within the people it was meant to reach.

Whatever road in life that I am exploring — most days I am head first without looking in any direction — my purpose remains the same: to share my journey through writing in the hopes of encouraging or simply reminding others, that they are not alone in trying to make sense of this beautifully f*cked up and unhinged experience called life.

Sometimes that comes through rhetorical linguistics delivered with a touch of sassi-tude while I pick at old scabs until they bleed out an emotional release. Other times, it comes from noticing the Heavenly sparkles tucked inside ordinary moments and turning them into words of encouragement.

The internal drive to succeed is the same force living inside anyone who has ever decided that merely existing within the life “handed to them” was no longer enough.

Whether it’s the person rebuilding a life that has fallen into shambled ruins; the one changing careers when everyone else thinks they should stay comfortable; or the person with an idea nobody understands as everyone calls them “crazy” for even dreaming; or for those being told they will never succeed because the world is too saturated.

Calling on the visionary disrupters who are quietly cultivating something of their own with every second they have available — before sunrise, between responsibilities, or while the rest of the world sleeps… different passions, same roll of the dice gamble.

We seek nothing more — or less — than the privilege to spend every waking moment doing something that feels meaningful instead of remaining indefinitely confined to the hamster-wheel of life.

And perhaps success eventually finds us through persistence, so long as we learn to remain somewhat at peace through the highs and lows of painfully slow progress and digression — unbreakable through the unexpected setbacks that leave us wondering what the hell we are even doing in the first place.

Whether we completely short-circuited our idea incubator by going all-in—was it courage or temporary insanity?

Does everyone else know something that we don’t?

Will there ever be a slap-in-the-face green sign that we are on the right path?

That is when the everlasting brood begins — the heart-wrenching rumination that anyone who has ventured into the unknown, wanting something so badly that they risk it all to pursue it — only to be continually disappointed by a relentless succession of issues, setbacks and problems that seem to metastasize rather than dissipate.

There is something to be said for people who keep believing when there is no applause… continuing to build when there is no proof while tolerating the anxiety-riddled nerves and discomfort of knowing what you want but not quite sure how to finally make it happen — leaves one wrestling with the hardest question of all:

Can we live with nothing… until there is finally… something?